Ladies, in my last blog I began talking about the lies we have received and believed. In our continued pursuit to provide tools for women who are trying to rebuild their lives, this week we are going to take the time to expose the lie regarding perfectionism.
What exactly is perfectionism? Dr. David Burns, a psychiatrist who is a leading expert on the subject, offers a good answer:
I do not mean the highly healthy pursuit of excellence by men and women who take genuine pleasure in striving to meet high standards. Without concern for quality, life would seem shallow; true accomplishment would be rare. The perfectionists I am talking about are those whose standards are high beyond reach or reason; people who strain compulsively and unremittingly toward impossible goals and who measure their self-worth entirely in terms of productivity and accomplishment.
There are many of us who struggle with feelings of inadequacy, not quite measuring up to, not only our own standards, but to the standards of our parents, teachers, professors, bosses, co-workers, and fellow Believers. We spend time comparing our results to the results of those we admire and respect, or putting expectations on ourselves that are unrealistic. We take on duties or responsibilities that aren’t ours, in order to feel valued. Some of us even take on a purpose that was not God-given in order to fulfill an unrealized dream of a loved one that we don’t want to disappoint.
When we make mistakes or don’t measure up to the standards of perfection that we have set for ourselves, an unhealthy tape begins to play. We press replay, going over the mistakes again and again in our minds. We find ourselves using phrases like: "How could I have been so stupid?" We find ourselves thinking that we should have known better as we start mentally beating ourselves up, asking how could we have forgotten that detail.
I admit to being a recovering perfectionist. Before going full-time in our own business, I worked for a state government agency. I had a good experience for a number of years before I took a new position. After I took the new position, for nearly a year I worked as an administrative assistant for a gentleman who was easy going and personable.
Then he suddenly retired and I was assigned to a new person, a woman who had a reputation of being very difficult to work for; who was a perfectionist with very unrealistic expectations of her administrative assistants.
Then he suddenly retired and I was assigned to a new person, a woman who had a reputation of being very difficult to work for; who was a perfectionist with very unrealistic expectations of her administrative assistants.
This turned out to be true and my life became unbearable as I tried to measure up to the new expectations. When I realized I was working for a perfectionist, and later found out she was on medication, I also saw that she was overcompensating for a chemical imbalance. I lay awake countless nights, stressing and dreading having to go into work the next day. I was constantly fighting to not play the perfectionist tape over and over again in my mind. I knew God wasn’t expecting me to be perfect. He was expecting me to handle the situation maturely and I had done the best I could in that regard.
My boss unrealistically expected me to not make any mistakes. I was in a position where I had to choose not to fixate on the fact that I could not meet the unrealistic expectations of a person who was overcompensating for their personal challenges. Even though I tried not to fixate on my inability to meet the unrealistic expectations, I just couldn’t completely do so. It still got me from time to time.
It is said, “To err is human”. The Bible says it this way in Romans 3:21-23, "...but now the righteousness of God apart from the law is revealed, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe for there is no difference; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."
I John 1:8 says, "...if we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." The basic definition of sin is 'missing the mark.' So I John 1:8 - paraphrased says, “If we say that we do not miss the mark, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”
The goal is to understand that perfectionism is harmful to us and to those around us. We must understand that God is not a God of perfectionism. He is not demanding flawless performance from us. He would be violating His own word, where He spoke through the Apostle Paul who admonished fathers to not exasperate their children.
Exasperation is the result of placing unrealistic expectations on them. We could never reach God’s standard on our own anyway. Christ met the standards on the cross. We must have a genuine reliance on Christ and live a lifestyle of heartfelt trust in Him rather than ourselves.
Exasperation is the result of placing unrealistic expectations on them. We could never reach God’s standard on our own anyway. Christ met the standards on the cross. We must have a genuine reliance on Christ and live a lifestyle of heartfelt trust in Him rather than ourselves.
Recapture Your Life,
Carol L. Green
Carol Green is an international columnist/writer with the Global Journalism Award winning team of Dr. Clyde Rivers and iChange Nations Social Media News™. As Community Ambassadors, Global Leadership Ambassadors, and Urban Leadership awardees by iChange Nations™, she and her husband, Chris Green, were also appointed Goodwill Ambassadors of World Peace by Golden Rule International. They founded Fruitful Life Network, Inc. which provides a hope-based Life Coaching model that rebuilds, restores and renews hearts and homes in the urban community. Global Peace Ambassador, Dr. Clyde Rivers, calls them leading experts in connecting people to their path of discovery.
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Carol Green is an international columnist/writer with the Global Journalism Award winning team of Dr. Clyde Rivers and iChange Nations Social Media News™. As Community Ambassadors, Global Leadership Ambassadors, and Urban Leadership awardees by iChange Nations™, she and her husband, Chris Green, were also appointed Goodwill Ambassadors of World Peace by Golden Rule International. They founded Fruitful Life Network, Inc. which provides a hope-based Life Coaching model that rebuilds, restores and renews hearts and homes in the urban community. Global Peace Ambassador, Dr. Clyde Rivers, calls them leading experts in connecting people to their path of discovery.
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